october haunts me.

october is spooky.

and not for the gory, scary and relentless halloween aspect either. for me, spooky takes on a whole new meaning. october has never been my month. ever. for as long as i can remember, bad things always happened to me in october. aka why it’s spooky.

in october: (just to name a few)

8 years ago, i was finding out i was pregnant with my ex at 18 years old. scared shitless, just barley started my freshman year of college. oh boy. things didn’t turn out for the positive (but this is something i can write a whole blog on)

7 years ago, i was told i would never play tennis again due to a back injury. (again, a whole blog topic)

2 years ago , i was supposed to move in with my ex and that fell apart a week before we were scheduled to move. that same month, i attempted suicide for the last time. i sunk into a deep depression. (oh look, another potential blog topic)

october haunts me. until this year; 2019. finally!

it’s all coming full circle. this october something amazing happened to me. my boyfriend & i bought our first home together. the place we plan to start a new chapter in our lives together. and starting this new chapter in a month that usually haunts me made me realize that all the things i’ve been through lead me here. without those spooky times in my past octobers i wouldn’t be here having this lovely october.

my past helped me focus on what i want with my life; what i deserve; and most importantly it taught me that good things can and DO happen.

to be honest, i debated even writing this in fear that it would jinx this october. but i’ve realized that.. instead i’ve spoken it into existence. i decided that no more bad things would happen to me in any october and now here we are celebrating this huge accomplishment. what i want you to take away from this is to always focus on remaining positive on the good things that can/will happen to you in life. things will always get better if you allow them to. i know being positive can be hard, and even sometimes draining especially when there seems to be these odd patterns that happen to you,. but in the end it can be worth it!!! i would not be where i am in life right now if i hadn’t stayed true to the positivity of changing the way things usually fell for me in october.

here’s to no more spooky octobers :)