our love story.

throughout my life i’ve experienced love in different forms.

one common factor was that i made sure the world knew that love i had for those people; almost like i had something to prove. i had to always use words to prove my love, and vise versa, i needed words to think i was loved by others.

if i am being honest, it’s always bothered me how much i thought i *needed* to post about loving the people who used to be in my life.

“it’s not real if you don’t post it on social media” - my subconscious

until i met tesfaye.

he’s taught me to slow down & stay present with our life together.

he’s taught me it doesn’t matter what i post & who knows what about us.

he’s taught me that what’s understood between us doesn’t need to be explained.

he’s taught me how to lean on another soul.

he’s taught me true love.

within myself, him & our relationship.

words of affirmations were always big for me. when someone uses thoughtful words & praises within our relationship, i have always *thought* i was loved.

he is a man of few words (iykyk). this was a struggle for me at first. i struggled with feeling and understanding where he stood in our relationship.

until i paid close attention to the love languages. my heart sunk to the floor when i realized there were ways to show love that i never had experienced before in previous relationships.

when working with clients as a therapist, i have extensive knowledge around The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman - but i will be the first to admit that even with that educational background, i was blinded by my own *shit* bc i am human; first and foremost.

i usually recommend my clients trying to engage in your partners love language even if it’s not your normal because that is how THEY feel love. and that’s important.

i spent my whole life thinking that words were always it for me. coming from a big, tight nit family words of affirmation was huge. it was almost all i knew.

until tesfaye. now, words of affirmation don’t do it as much for me anymore.

acts of service and quality time make me truly FEEL loved. and that is the difference. words of affirmation; i thought i was loved, yet i still questioned with anxiety if i truly was loved & cared for. now, i feel it. i don't question it. i don't feel stricken with anxiety wondering it.

my whole world shifted with this realization.

a simple act of service from him gives me butterflies; especially when i don’t realize i need it. i don’t think i knew what i needed to feel truly loved.. until him.

and that's why posting our relationship every day on social media for the world to see is not our thing (cliché i know since i am posting this blog as we speak LOL)

this man has opened my eyes to worlds so far beyond what i thought i was capable of entering. he challenges me in ways no one else has. and it’s all between us & it's healthy!

is it nice when others read about our love story? of course. what’s even nicer is us presently enjoying our love story; together.

people will always be able to see what’s true.

it’s become so important to me to hold love close to me.

to engage with happiness, the beauty from within, the innocence of joy, the wholeness between, the emotional intimacy, the connection of 2 souls, the melodies of love.

moral of the story - love doesn’t always need to be proven to others to be or feel real.

sometimes we have to look within to our norms from childhood and see if they are things we still value as adults.

and sometimes we need to pause to recognize the difference between thinking we love vs truly feeling the love.

i’m not sure he even knows how thankful i am for him. so here i am confessing this to him.

tesfaye, thank you for the last 3 years. a blanket covered thank you. when we first met, our relationship was a whirlwind to say the least. neither one of were looking for anything serious at the time, and i sometimes reflect back that was probably what made us want to be so patient with each other. we grew up together and still are. you are my bestfriend, my right hand, my love. with you is my favorite place to be <3